lunch is natural! lunch is good!

Not everybody eats it, but everybody should!!!!!!

Today I went to Palm Sunday mass and came back feeling RESTORED and SPIRITUAL! And ready to PREP for this week! I stopped by the grocery store and they were playing “I Want Your Sex” on a loop–so I knew getting down to BUSINESS w/r/t my lunch plans for this week was BLESSED by both the big guy and by George Michael.

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lunchbox by VERA BRADLEY–I KNOW!

So I’m making a big batch of Whole30 bolognese right now–I’ll talk about that tomorrow, I ~intelligently~ started this two or three hour endeavor at 8:00 PM so it’s still cookin. The thing is I cooked very clean and utilized mis-en-place so I wasn’t running around like a chicken with my head cut off during the big cook. All the dishes were washed by the time the sauce started its simmer!!!! Kinda like magic!!!! So I had a ton of time to get ready for tomorrow.

ANYWAY. I go to barre at 6:30AM and come straight to work after–who’s that stinky girl at the coworking desk? It’s ME!–so I need a lunch that’s heavy on the SNAX (I know Whole30 doesn’t like that, but otherwise I’m gonna–and often do–eat my whole lunch at 10AM.) I always start with some snackable content (which I’ll usually pack several bags of).

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blackberries by NATURE, tiny cashew packet by trader joe’s

 

And I’m also really into ants on a log–I’ve honestly been eating these at work every day since I started Whole30. I don’t eat peanut butter much in general, and I think everyone with half a brain knows that RAISINS ARE GROSS, so I use TJ’s almond butter and dried Bing cherries instead.

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I love my Missouri cutting board!!!

The big question for me almost every day is what should a MAIN look like? I’ve never been a big luncher because I hate smelling like lunch after lunch–I know, right, that doesn’t make a lot of sense–but it’s real. I also don’t like having to warm anything up ever because I’m way too lazy and I don’t like having to bring a fork.

So I often make these Georgia O’Keefe-esque turkey and lettuce wraps. Remember the uproar about hand salad last week? They’re kinda like that. A piece of turkey wrapped in lettuce with mustard, salt, and pepper! Mad simple and, most importantly, easy to eat.

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“LUNCHTIME” by georgia o’keefe

A caveat: I do use whole grain brown fancyass mustard in these–sugar is indeed one of the ingredients. But I don’t trip on that.

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trying to detox after a day of debauchery

I also made, for the first time ever, KALE CHIPS! I drizzled kale with safflower oil, S&P, and some hot red pepper flakes and baked ’em for ~12 mins at 350. I checked them often because I heard bad things happen w/r/t BURNING and ickiness–but these turned out so well and now I have delicious kale for this week.

Okay!!! Drop a napkin and a plain La Croix in it and call it a DAY! That’s what I’m eating at my desk tomorrow. Not SO sad desk lunch, huh? I like to pretend I am the daughter from these amazing lunch prep videos by HouseofMeis on Youtube  and really give myself props when I eat everything.

What are YOU eating for lunch tomorrow, Girls? With the time we save not going out and getting anything, we can use that HOUR of POWER to do something FUN like getting our eyebrows waxed or standing people up on Tinder dates. We’ll think about it. Text me!

X,

E

 

 

partying like ben affleck

GOOOOOOOD Morning Girls! Yesterday my college hosted an event, designed to expel the nerds of this institution from the library. It’s the ONE day a year we can pretend like we’re students at a real college and drink in the sun without thinking about our many problems.

I am NOT good at festival wear. I generally think that flower crowns are dumb, music festivals are muddy and wet, and I have never looked at flash tattoos and thought, “Huh! That should go on my body!!!!”–nothing against those who do like this scene, it’s just hard not for me. But it’s SENIOR YEAR and I wanted to try something fun, so I chose a celebrity I like a lot and allowed this individual to inspire me with my outfits and lifestyle choices for this day of partying and fun. I thought about gaining my inspo from Cat Marnell or freaking Gwyneth Paltrow but I like to GO BIG or GO HOME (and if I see another freaking article about how hard the GOOP lifestlye is I’m going to BORF)–so yesterday I partied like my one true hero, BEN AFFLECK.

Phase One: COFFEE like BEN

Coffee is important to Ben Affleck, as he is often photographed with large iced coffees. He also wears good hats. I wore this outfit to Starbucks, where the barista asked what I was wearing, so I think that’s a good sign that people were noticing how much I look like Ben Affleck. The workout pants are from TJ Maxx and the sweater is from Forever 21. Neither of these items are sold anymore. The Birkenstocks are from my personal collection.

Phase Two: Breakfast Like Ben

I didn’t get a good pic of my breakfast, but I fixed scrambled eggs and fried prosciutto for a fun and compliant breakfast. Ben loves to eat. So do I! I don’t want to talk about my cowboy hat.

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Ben wears a LOT of hats, too.

Phase Three: Fun Partying Like Ben

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I, too, endorse San Pellegrino!

We’re SO proud that Ben recently completed alcohol addiction treatment !!!! Because I’m only human I did NOT party like Ben in that respect, but I DID mix my drinks with store brand sparkling water (I’m not made of money! My San Pellegrino should be UNFETTERED!). DON’T DRINK SUGAR, GIRLS! Ben is also a noted lover of popcorn, which I did not eat, but served to my friends during a midday cobbled-together snack lunc

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more fried prosciutto? maybe i AM made of money

Phase Four: Bedtime Like Ben

Look how red both of our faces are. “Ben Affleck having fun” is not a picture that comes up often on Google. Anyway, I was inspired by this use of dark colors in Ben’s outfit as he steps off a plane. Look at that shearling jacket! Nice! Anyway, after this picture was taken, I came home and fell asleep in my toasty bed.

Phase Five: Morning After Like Ben

Did you know that “Ben Affleck sad” is a much more fruitful Google search than “Ben Affleck happy”? Wild. Anyway, I left the house at 12:30 this afternoon to get a coffee in a very Ben-inspired outfit.

Please excuse my dirty mirror. Anyway, I wore a yellow shirt (Ben likes to use color in interesting ways) and a very loose F21 dress (comfy on the skin) and my essential Birks. I think the comparison is obvious. This all made a lot more sense to me yesterday at 11AM when I was drinking Fireball and talking REALLY loudly about how much I love Ben Affleck.

All in all, I give this Ben Affleck-inspired partying experience a 10/Ben. I would party like him every day if I could. For more Ben Affleck content, follow this very good Twitter account.

Who are your partying inspirations? Is there another celeb whose lifestyle I should emulate? Let me know, Girls. And: happy Sunday! Let’s steal prepared foods from the Whole Foods salad bar and eat them on the Staten Island Ferry. Ben would approve!

X,

E

week in review

Things I ate:

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Chomp sticks: slim jims for adult women
  • Big Bad Batch Bitch. Sunday I made a big batch of coconut/okra/tomato stew and mostly had that all week for dinner. I also fried up hot Italian sausages, jalapeños, and onions, and then stuck that in a Ziploc in the fridge to remove a step in the complicated process of making breakfast scrambles (which is not that hard, but can be time-consuming to get the sausage as crispy as I want them.) I tried to make a big batch of roasted butternut squash noodles, but they had gone off.
  • Official Endorsement: Chomp Stick. This week’s Endorsement is CHOMP STICKS! They are Whole30 approved (cool) and I think they run for $2 or $3 at Trader Joe’s. I’ll always choose a snack that’s savory over one that’s sweet (and can we just all go ahead and admit–Larabars are gross as hell?). I’ve been grabbing a couple of these grownup (sugar and bullshit free) Slim Jims to have as a little treat whenever I crave a meat rod. They are very long, so you also get to pretend like you’re in Breakfast at Tiffany’s while consuming them.
  • Eating out? I did not eat out this week???? I just realized this semi-incredible fact and I want to take myself out to lunch to celebrate, but instead I’m going to get my eyebrows threaded.

Media I DEVOUREDT:

  • Listening: Man, I am SICK of hearing about S-Town. Yeah yeah yeah it’s GOOD, okay, I got it! No more S-Town thinkpieces! I listen to many hours of podcasts a day and consume them pretty haphazardly. I have been asked to stop listening to The Moth and This American Life because other people at the coworking desk get annoyed by me crying. So instead I listen to true crime podcasts. Hours of them. Right now I’m really into Generation Why, which is just two friends (?) talking about crime. I listened to “Hannah Overton” this week and thought it was an interesting take (if you like the episode, read this too.)
  • Written Word: I love the 21st century because it means I can read without going to such an institution as a LIBRARY. Ew. (Just kidding! Save the libraries!) Nevertheless I read on my PHONE on the subway, which is a BLESSED concept. I have a long commute 4 days a week. I can put away a domestic crime thriller about British people who are not as happy as they seem in a day if I read a little during my lunch break, too. The best one I read this week was The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena. This baby goes missing and then the parents have to find it… but there are SECRETS that complicate the process! This book is probably a 6 for most people but I rate it a 10 because I found it (1) easy to read in transit, (2) mildly surprising, and (3) not complicated to remember character names.
  • WATCH AND FORGET: I watch a lot of daily vloggers because I like looking at how people I don’t want to ever be friends with live their lives. I found Wednesday’s episode of “Sam and Nia” particularly cringe-inducing. The bookshelf, the urban exploring, all the crazy eyes going on–it makes my skin crawl in a much more snackable way than any TLC program ever could.
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this family is a real trip–dad had an ashley madison scandal a couple years ago! they’re very christian. DRAMA!

Numbers:

  • Barre classes attended: 5
  • Average bedtime: 9:44 PM
  • Larabars eaten: 3 :*****(
  • Times I pretended my Larabar was made of Peeps instead of dates and hatred: 3
  • Eyebrows threaded: 2

So that’s what I did this week. What are you consuming this week, Girls? I hope you’re only consuming WONDERFUL things because YOU DESERVE IT! Let’s consume a gin and La Croix cocktail together this weekend. Text me!

X,

E

Good Morning Girls!

Good Morning Girls! Or should I say: Goood Morning Girls! We got scooped on the URL and no amount of bribery or scheming could get us the address we wanted. No matter.

Hello and welcome to my LIFESTYLE BLOG. I have a lot of ideas on how both you and I should live our lives, and this is where I’m going to put them.

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photos of me over the last 4 years

My name is Emma and I am a college senior: a woman on the cusp of grownup-itude! (Alternatively: a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown!) I have the luxury of practicing and performing grownup life from a very comfortable dorm room in upper Manhattan. Right now is probably the last time for a long time I’ll have the complete joy of feeling superior to others–it will be a long time before I can so completely disapprove of people simply because they are younger than me. Being in college is also nice because really, when you think about it, I don’t actually have that much to do: classes and an internship both exist in theory and I should spend more time on those things, but generally I’m kind of loafing around, eating plantain chips and ideating ways to better myself and end all men. This is where I will crystallize those ideas for the WHOLE WORLD (aka my small social circle) to LEARN FROM!

The other thing about me, besides being a lady with too much time on her hands and a superiority complex the size of a great ape, is that I recently recommitted to HEALTH AND FITNESS! I started going to barre classes in January, and I’ve been going 4 or 5 times a week since then. So I’ll talk about barre a lot.

LASTLY: I’m on this WILD diet that I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT. I’m sure you’ve heard people talk about Whole30 and, if you are like I ONCE WAS, you found it massively annoying. Well, I’m here to tell you that IT IS COOLER THAN IT SOUNDS. I’m doing a much modified version of this diet–not eating dairy, grain/wheat/starch/corn/legumes, or added/processed sugar but still drinking the occasional glass (or 4) of wine and smoking the occasional cigarette. I’ve done a surprisingly amazing job of keeping it up and I’m here to attest that YOU, TOO, CAN LIVE THIS LIFESTYLE.

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Okay. This is where I leave you. We can do anything we put our minds to, Girls–talk soon.

XX,

E

PS: It’s Friday! Wanna do something fun this weekend? What if we roasted a bunch of cremini mushrooms and ate them from a Ziploc bag in the park? :~) Text me.